just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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