At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
