i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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