who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
