yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
That accounts for only three of the penises
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
