In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
