Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hippo gnu deer
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
