I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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