just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
