woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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