Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
