Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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