i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
