1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
