Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
