Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
