I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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