I'm jealous of your bromance
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
