well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
