i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
