Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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