Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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