It's like God shit irony all over that family
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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