Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
