Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
did i walk over a car last night?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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