turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
