my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
