I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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