New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Someone shattered a urinal.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
