yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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