he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
