New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You have to summon your inner elephant
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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