I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
