Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
