I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
