I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
