What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
God, you're like boner-b-gone
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
