I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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