He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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