thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
