apparently the secret to your success is patron
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
