why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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