Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
