new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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