Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
