I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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