the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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