11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
