we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
