Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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