my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The power of my boobs compel you
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
