Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Send help, water and tortillas.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
