Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
