i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
