Tell her she can't have a vagina
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
